Although 2024 has arrived and for some of us, it might be the best year ever, unfortunately for others, existing problems will continue and new problems will occur, I know for me, some really good things are gonna happen for me this year and some unexpected and unfortunate things are gonna happen as well but I am going to do my absolute best to say to myself: the bad never lasts and I will get through it and what do I need to do to turn it around and fix it, I’m going to wake up each day and say: I can do this, and I want you to do it as well 🙂 Happy 2024.

When I was growing up, every school I went to, I was the only kid in a wheelchair, it never really bothered me because that’s just the way it was and I was always just myself, as time went on and the older I got, I started noticing some kids saw me differently, some saw me as a threat and would start to bully me, others were just afraid of me, and would avoid me, I remember thinking wow, because I was raised to just be myself and respect others, sadly it got worse everyday and everywhere I went, I realized I was no longer a part of society or considered normal, even people I once called my friends turned on me or just simply disappeared, I became on the defense all the time, it was me against the world I developed a lot of trust issues and just didn’t wanna be around anybody, as I moved into my adulthood it was the same but on a much bigger and more dangerous level, big grown men would attempt to intimidate me and challenge me while some elderly women would flirt with me and sexually harass me, it was insane but it did happen and it still does to this day, that’s why nowadays I just go to work and then go straight home but I still like being myself and I like going out and experiencing new things and I will always do that no matter what, never let anyone destroy who you are or prevent you from living the life you want.

No matter what age you are, some people will always try and hurt you and always try to destroy whatever it is you try and do or say to make a difference and be successful, always stand up for yourself and be your own advocate and If you can do that, the outcome can be so rewarding, never stop believing in yourself, always be you and never give up, ya see the good and the bad never last, it’s up to you to turn the bad into good

Sometimes when you stop and think about what’s going on in today’s society, it can really change you as a person and it can make you feel very vulnerable, afraid, agitated, anxious and just always on the defense, some days I wake up and I immediately go on social media and I see the news and politics and many other things, it really can mess me up mentally and emotionally sometimes people will start talking to me about politics or how bad society is right now, when that happens, you might see me instantly change the subject and start talking about new movies that are coming out or video games or music, I might start boring you with those topics and you might think to yourself: man this dude just don’t get it or he just doesn’t care, ya see I know what a hard life is, I live it everyday, and I work hard every day to make sure I don’t damage my mental health, so no I will not discuss politics with you or complain all the time about how expensive things are or how unfair life is, the key to a peaceful lifestyle is staying calm and breathe and say to yourself: I can do this and I will be ok.

Today has been a much needed rest day, this is the first time I’ve stayed in bed the whole day in a very long time and I realized that maybe I’ve been pushing myself too hard the last few months if not longer, I’ve been trying so hard to stay as active as possible because I’ve been so afraid of going back to my other lifestyle where all I did was watch the world go by through a window and tv, and I promised myself I wasn’t gonna go backwards, unfortunately I failed to remember that trying to live life in the fast lane all the time can also have a negative effect on your health both physically and mentally, relaxing has not always been my strong suit, my brain is like a sounder train, once it goes, it doesn’t slow down for nothing, my point is, make sure to always listen to your body and mind and if ya need to take a day off and say to yourself: it’s time to rest, it’s ok to do that and don’t let anyone tell you different

growing up I had all kinds of help and support all the way up until I was 18 and than it was just so weird because everyone just disappeared, even tho I still had family, but I started to feel abandoned, ya see, my childhood was surrounded by nurses, doctors, physical therapist and caregivers, in my world they were my friends, they were all I knew, I got older and everyone moved on and I didn’t know what to do, I began to think I was nothing more than people’s puppet and action figure, unfortunately I started finding the kind of attention I wanted again but in bars and clubs, it was fun for a few years until it wasn’t, although I’m in a much better place in my life now, I still have that occasional loneliness/abandonment feeling, always make sure to check in on each other from time to time

I remember when I was in high school, I would see some of my classmates and I would think to myself, damn, whatever he/she decides to do with their life afterwards, it’s gonna be incredible !!!! And man they sure have !!!! Y’all gotta understand, a lot of us didn’t have a plan and because of that we were told we were not going to make it in society, they wanted us to go to college immediately after we graduated but for some of us, we were just satisfied to Make it through the day lol, life after high school for some of us was extremely difficult and for some, it was devastating and it had a unfortunate outcome but for others including myself, we fell time after time after time, but we always got back up and kept trying and trying and eventually we got it and made it to the finish line, ya see life really is like a video game, it’s only game over if you let It get down to zero, always keep pushing and reach the highest level possible

A lot of the times when people meet me, they think I’m amazing and they start wanting to hang out with me and be in my life, but then this strange thing happens where they just become uninterested or they become bored or I in some kind of way, become an inconvenience to their life and they just disappear and never to be seen or heard from again, this tends to make me very frustrated and it puts me in a bad place emotionally and I end up saying things like: well who did you expect to be hangin out with, Dwane Johnson or brad Pitt, this ain’t no fairytale lady, that’s not how life works. Lol And I know that doesn’t help or makes the woman feel better about me but damn !!! I mean I have flaws and limitations and I physically need help with certain things like getting into a car, transferring in and out of my wheelchair and so forth, in reality I did not choose this lifestyle, It’s not my fault, being disabled is extremely difficult and painful especially when you live in a abled body world, it is what it is, it’s hard but it’s not the end of the world

I believe it’s been about 5 years now since I stopped drinking, and although it’s been the best decision I’ve ever made, I find my anxiety and depression at a all time high, I’m lot more aware and I find myself feeling more afraid than I ever have in my life, that’s the downside to sobriety, the upside is that I can think clearly and I’m able to succeed a lot more and just focus on my mental and physical wellbeing, the point is that, there’s really not a day that goes by where I don’t think about having a drink and going to visit my old drinking pals, but I really enjoy having a job and having a clear mind and trying to build other people up, always stop and take a deep breath and tell yourself it’s gonna be ok and just keep building your life the way you want to

When I first started working at Walmart as a customer host out in the garden center another co worker would be out there too, we started talkin and eventually became friends, he would always make sure I had breaks and a lunch break, overtime he got asked to move over to the other entrance so we couldn’t really talk as much but he would still sneak his way back over to the garden center to make sure I was ok and still made sure I got my breaks and lunch, one day he had told me about a previous job he had and that he was thinking about going back, naturally in my head I’m like WHAT !!! Lol yeah whatever, while at the same time I’m like I hope not, we continue being friends and talked all the time for weeks maybe more, than one day he says: hey man so my other job called me and I got the green light to go back, I mean of course I told him that’s awesome and congrats but honestly it sucked big time because everyone else just ignored me and just pretended I wasn’t there, I realized it was happening again just like when I was in school, people I bonded with always leaving, but it was what it was and I told myself I needed to except it and move on, so that was that, he left and I continued being the no leg Walmart wheelchair dude, months went by, started to kinda think to myself, man I wonder how he’s doing these days, well yesterday evening he FaceTimed me to check in and see how I was doing, we talked for couple hours I think, but man I just thought it was really nice and cool that he did that, he always had my back and I will forever be grateful, always check in with your friends no matter how long it’s been or where else life might take you.