https://gofund.me/953bdbd7

Hello, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything here, recently my life has been changing, I’ve lived with my parents for the last 30 years, I’ll be 33 next month, I believe my mom has the early stages of dementia, both of my parents are in their 60s now and are starting to become unable to take care of me, I feel my quality of life has gone down significantly, I currently work at Walmart but they took me off the schedule for the whole month of April, Donations will help me get into a place that is more ADA accessible apartment that I found in Tacoma WA, any amount would deeply be appreciated, my parents house has stairs, steep driveway and a really intense backyard

In today’s society it can be very hard to keep a positive mindset, I definitely find myself struggling to stay positive due to what seems to be a lot of negativity being shared in social media as well as the news but there’s also positive things being shared as well, the challenge is, is to focus on the positive side, and most days I have no problem focusing on those positive things but lately it definitely has been a struggle but what helps me get back over to the positive side is thinking about all my favorite actors and musicians I grew up watching and listening to, listening to their stories and how they struggled and how they got to where they’re at now, also just being around positive people, so if you have a bad day, always make sure you wake up to a new day and do that one thing that once made you smile.

Growing up here in Washington state was and still is filled with amazing times but also some of the most wild and darkest times in my life as well, now a days my health is as good as it’s ever been, I have a decent job, a few good friends my life is booming right now but I still have this other part of me that’s just filled with so much anger, rage, anxiety, fear and just physical and emotional pain, I’m the Mike Tyson of the disabled world but only I can control my own thoughts and emotions and I’ve gotten really good at that over the years but one day I fear those painful thoughts might take over again, remember only you can control your thoughts, will you control them or will they control you.

Everybody has a dream that they wanna achieve, mine was always to have my own place with a lot of land and animals, unfortunately the older I’m getting, the more I’m realizing that for years and years I have felt isolated and controlled pretty much my whole life, I now realize that all I really want is freedom, now I think about just selling everything I own and just leaving to see the world, I’ve always loved to move around and travel and see beautiful places, I know one day if I work really hard at it and I never stop or give up or let haters get in my head, I know I can make it happen

A couple years ago or more, I did a video where I talked about my dad, there were so many emotions going through me about him, that I mostly just talked about the bad times between us, and unfortunately I sure did let it all out and of course he watched it and was really upset witch of course he was, what father wouldn’t be after watching what his son had said about him, but I was so angry and hurt, he would say some really messed up things to me while growing up, always coming home from work in a bad mood, taking it out on me, he would teach me to never trust people and that the world was dangerous and a bad place, I didn’t always like the way he would treat my mom and sisters, when I was really young I didn’t understand what he did for a living but I knew it had to do with airplanes and I thought that was so cool !!!! And we would take vacations to all these different states and I would always think to myself: damn !!! This mofo is rich, I just always thought he was so intelligent and a great businessman like Vince McMahon and Donald Trump and also Paul Tuttle Sr. My dad was well respected anywhere he went, he was also a very good storyteller, was it true or false, you would never know 🙂 he could also make you really love him or really hate him, you never knew what side of him you were gonna get, do I love him ? Absolutely, no other man could ever make the sacrifices he made to provide for his family, I just didn’t like his behavior and things that he would say sometimes, unfortunately as time went on, he retired and things happened in his life that I could never imagine going through, he started self medicating with food and alcohol, his body is slowly giving up, every time I leave for work I fear I’m gonna come home and find him on the floor with my mom standing over him sobbing, they sure have been through a lot together and I love them both and I’m so grateful for everything they did for me and my sisters

Having a parent who’s also your caregiver can be extremely convenient but also very difficult at times, my mom is my best friend, my hero, my Uber driver, my protector, my agent and someone who I trust and feel I can talk to about anything, well almost anything lol, people don’t understand, she’s the definition of mom of the year and what a good mom should be, she was there through all my very intense health problems and surgeries, she was the one that sat there in the hospital waiting room for 4-8 hours just for a doctor to come out and tell her if I lived or died, she took me to physical therapy in Puyallup and doctors appointments in Seattle, she chased my ass around downtown Puyallup when I was drunk in the bars trying to fight everyone, she took me to Vegas for my 30th Birthday and even let me have the room for a few hours to do some rated R activities while she went and saw a concert, she really is my best friend, sadly, nothing lasts forever, she’s getting older now, I see it more and more everyday, I’m seeing changes in her that I’ve never seen before, she forgets things, she doesn’t really wanna leave the house very much anymore, we argue a little more than we use to, I find myself getting frustrated with her more, I don’t mean to but I do, I know she’s getting tired, I see it, it scares me, sometimes at night I cry in fear of losing her and than I fall asleep and have a dream of me sitting in the hospital hallway, alone with the lights dimmed because it’s late, than the doctor comes out in his sweaty scrubs and looks at me while taking off his cap and says: I’m so sorry, she didn’t make it, I know eventually that day might come, I want her to know how much I love and appreciate her and everything she’s done even tho I don’t always show it

Sometimes being rejected multiple times can really destroy self confidence, it can make you stop wanting to try and make those calls, send those emails and just not even want to participate in society anymore, it also can make the negative cover up the positive, I try every day to say to myself: everyday is a new day and I can do this but do I wake up and wish I was an abled bodied person, yeah I do, because than people would leave me alone and I could just be 31, make more money and have a girlfriend without even trying, don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been ashamed of who I am, I’ve always considered myself just like everyone else, just with limited mobility but every once in a while I do wish I was like Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bill Goldberg or John cena, cuz at least than nobody would mess with me

We all have a million different choices to make and it only takes one to completely change our lives for the better or worse, always think very carefully which choice you decide to make, believe me, it will matter and it will make a difference.

Hello fans and followers, some of you have been seeing my posts and feel that it is always negative, I definitely see where you’re coming from but I’ve always looked at my life as an action movie, there’s a lot of good and some bad as well, the things I post are met to be inspiring and educating to the public about how I live my life with a disability, it was also met for people my age witch unfortunately for the most part has not happened, I was hoping it would show people my age that just because I’m disabled, I’m still just a regular 30 year old man that loves women, cars and money, unfortunately it hasn’t worked out that way and people my age still don’t give me the time of day and the women my age just think I’m creepy and scary based on the way I look, it’s a very mentally draining lifestyle but only I can live it, I just hope that one day I can meet someone that loves me for me and wants to settle down with me.

Ya know I’m probably one of the most controversial disabled men in the state of Washington if not the country, I was raised by abled bodied people that taught me to always try my best and never give up and always stand up for yourself, always treat others with respect but never take any shit and just try, try, try and do, do, do, unfortunately sometimes they were wrong and it would backfire on me or them, sometimes I was pushed way more than I can handle, sometimes it would effect me physically or emotionally, and they never really truly understood what it was like to be me and what I actually lived with on a daily basis but I am glad that they taught me to never give up because now I never do but sometimes that backfires too lol, my point is, you can be raised and taught one way but when you become an adult you can always choose a different way and be who YOU want to be.