You Don’t have to Change Who You Are. Just Change the Way You Do It.

I went to the mall last week to buy the first button-down shirt of my adult life. It’s an example of what I’m saying here – I’m still the same person, but I’m changing how I present myself in some situations to gain a wider set of speaking engagements. But don’t worry, I’ll still be wearing my t-shirt and shorts most of the time!

That’s right, you don’t have to change who you are. To become the person you really want to be, you just have to change the way you do things.

Start by changing your outlook on life. Sometimes I hear people being self-destructive and saying things like “well, that’s just who I am” but you know, if what you’re doing is self-destructive, then it’s not really who you are. We don’t wake up and say to ourselves, “I want to be unhappy today” but we do often wake up and set no intention at all – that’s when life just happens to us and we get stuck in negative patterns.

If you’re feeling stuck and worn out, sad or angry, there’s only one thing you can change at first: what you intend to do that day. Set one positive intention every morning, or if you forget, start over in the afternoon.

I know how hard it is to even try when we’re feeling bad, but all I can tell you is what I did: try things until you finally find something that will lift me out of that headspace. It was hard at first to find outlets that lifted me up every time, but you have to try a bunch of stuff until you realize what it is that works for you. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Before I figured out what would get me out of my negative headspace, I used to self medicate by drinking every day. When I finally sobered up for a few days, I saw the world like I hadn’t in years, and one of the things I started doing was make videos to share my story. I found that it lifted me and other people up at the same time, and since then I’ve found other things that do the same thing, and now I’m happy a lot more than I’m not.

Some of the other things I hear people say are things like “I don’t like where I’m living.” Ok, maybe that’s the problem and maybe it isn’t, so it’s time to find out. If you don’t like wet Washington weather, then start putting plans in place to move next winter and see how you like it somewhere else.

If a job isn’t making you satisfied, then spend a half-hour every night looking for jobs in places where you feel you belong. If you’re like me and no one seems like they will hire you, do what I did and spend some time every week starting your own thing. It may or may not bring in the big bucks, but doing something I enjoy has been way more satisfying than what seemed like nothing at all.

Maybe you are burned out trying to please other people all the time. If it makes you happy, great, there’s nothing better than that, but if it’s burning you out, you do have to change the way you do it. People want to please other people so they tend to do what their friends or family wants them to do and it’s hard because those people care about you. People don’t want see that disappointment in their faces but at some point you got to say that this is my life and you have to make yourself happy because that should come first not other people’s expectations.

Feeling like you’re not a successful person? Again, you don’t have to “change who you are,” you just have to change what you’re doing. As humans we tend to always want more because we think that the more we have the happier we will be. We drown in wanting more and find ourselves working ourselves to death to get more. Especially if we see someone having a good time like smiling, being happy we almost want to join them because we want what that other person has. I often see people complaining about things when they have a house, have a partner, and are able to pay their bills so what I do is have them turn around and look at their house, look at their car and see the things that they own so they can see their success.

Wondering why other people seem successful? Well, a lot of people put on a fake facade for social media like putting “happily retired” on their social media accounts when they aren’t happy just retired. Social media has completely taken over our lives. Don’t get me wrong but social media has done a lot for people including myself. However what we have done is isolated ourselves and are confined to our devices. It’s got so bad where we don’t even know how to socialize anymore face to face. We got so comfortable talking behind screens, everything has gone virtual. It’s apart of living though to go outside and get moving that’s what life is or what it should be.

Down on Covid? Most people will never get pass this Covid stuff and some people was already negative before the pandemic and they just use Covid for something to blame. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days and doesn’t mean you’re not going to be tired but there’s a difference between being tired and unhappy. When I was younger I really wanted to get an Xbox 360 so I would be able to play Halo. Of course my Father told me that I need to save up for it instead of pouting and complaining about it I started doing chores around the house and getting paid for it. I was getting so impatient and I wanted it, I had to have it but you know what a month later I had what I wanted.

There are probably a hundred examples of changing how you do things. Go for it, and you’ll live into the person you really are.

Published by Matt Budzak

My name is Matt Budzak, and I was born in Tacoma WA and raised In Puyallup. I am a Double amputee trying to make a differance

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